well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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