Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
