Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize