.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
