Nicole vs. Life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
