Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
