I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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