Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
