mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she told me i tasted like america
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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