is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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