Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
