If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize