I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
