Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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