as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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