You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
