I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
