remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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