I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
