I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize