so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
