we should wear snuggies to the strip club
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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