Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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