Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize