also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
