my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize