I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
