update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
