People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
