I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
