I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
