I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
