Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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