My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
