My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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