I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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