so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize