No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
