security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
