I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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