maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize