There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
