By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
