Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
