her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize