Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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