you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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