I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
