Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
