you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
