it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
