The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize