Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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