I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
