Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
