WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
