Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
