He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
