just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize