FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
