It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love you.
Bad choice
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