I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
