I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
