she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
