on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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