I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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