FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
