Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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